I spent a whole afternoon in their boutique with the lovely saleswoman, trying to fit into their bullet bras. Nope! Apparently I have frankenboobs that simply were not made to fit those beautiful bras. However, I can speak for their shapewear and it is great.

Seriously! I want to best friends with both of them and hang out all the time.

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST.

Maaaaaan, Cobra Trap made me so sad. But the two Modesty films made me sadder. What were they thinking?!

BUT... what is that thing in the middle of the astronaut picture? A one-eyed hairless cat stuffed toy?!

A Tom Hiddleston look-alike came into the bar where I work last Saturday. I didn't know what to do with myself. I made him two awesome cocktails before I realised he was buying them for his girlfriend. Bah.

They're unattainable because even if you run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch them they're the gingerbeard men.

Aaaaaand here it is in all its squishy glory....

Your horse is too high, you can't see the little pink ribbon from way up there.

Do we get to choose our own high horse? Shotgun Lord Monochromicorn.

MAN. Those skeksis forks are not silly - you can totes use them as a toothpick after dinner.

We are the same person! Maleficent and Ursula had the best fashion sense out of all the Disney characters.

I had to watch all his stupid films because my ex had a man-crush on Gallo. That should have been the first red flag in that relationship...

Fuck. That sounds like my favourite show in the world and it doesn't even exist.

It's horrid digging motion made me cry a little at my desk. Fuck.

SO MUCH. I hate how I have to make orders sound like the dude is doing me a favour... 'oh hey, if you're not busy can you help polish some glasses? that'd be awesome', or 'the bin needs emptying/we need more ice/can you get something from the store room - you're a lifesaver, thank you so much'.

I work in a gay-friendly bar (as in, we don't say 'non-hetero-normatives only' but the community knows we are a safe space for the entire sexuality spectrum) and I base who I serve entirely on how rude/friendly the customers are. You come into my bar with a sense of entitlement and you will get the bare minimum of my…

That thing about the Chanel bag is hilarious. A friend who works in a bar with me had drinks bought for her because she's from Greece and the people assumed she was therefore destitute. Not even joking, they said it to her face.

So as a woman who is a bartender in London, I wish to offer anecdata. I've started uni again so the bar I work at needs to replace me. In the search for a new bar manager we've found that the world of cocktails (at a head-mixer/manager level) is predominantly men with Egos. I have been patronised and condescended in…

Oh my god I thought it said 'fat'.