It’s like that old song by Scandal, the Warrior.

“Your eyes touch me physically.”

Ew. Ewewewewwwe nope.

Yeah, I think this is right. Timing is everything—and here, I think Bernie overplayed his hand by waiting too long.

Public beta my ass.

More like “JESUS CHRIST CUT OFF LEGAL’S PHONELINES AND LOCK THEM IN THE BUILDING UNTIL I GET OVER THERE.”

“Dress as”?

It goes with my approach to life. Cavalier. Topless. Cheap.

Then you used the hidden doorhandles and she was like “wut ur a wizard.”

Sad thing is that the parked car’s insurance won’t pay because it was damaged in competition.

Write what you know.

Cocaine is totally organic, too, right? Comes from plants? Probably better for the baby.

As a non-breastfeeding parent, that was always my understanding.

Your post leads me to wonder: Is the amount of time it would take to metabolize cocaine different if you cut your hands and feet off first?

Revise “she didn’t get in partly because she wasn’t black enough” to read “she didn’t get in partly because she wasn’t enough of a member of a race that has been systematically disadvantaged both socially and legally for hundreds of years” and I think you’re closer.

That it is impossible to level an ad hominem attack against an eggroll with a hairpiece? Ad eggrollem, maybe.

It is interesting to think about the liability that might come a landlord’s way if they expressly forbade anchoring furniture to the wall and there was a subsequent accident. Not doubting that landlords do this, but if it were me renting out a room, I wouldn’t want to paint that kind of target on myself.

Almost as good!

Both equally valid suggestions.

Old.

Or he just had to make the Speed Buggy sounds into a mic the whole way up.