I hope at least one of the tips is trim your nails.

CPS should be called on her parent's inability to shoot a video properly.

Early on in my last relationship I discovered my boyfriend liked to have his nipples touched. One night we were getting going in the dark and I felt around for his right nipple. He sort of stiffened and I thought maybe I wasn't making the sort of contact he liked so I whispered something like 'tell me what you like'…

(I don't know if this counts, but I'm assuming accidental sodomy resulting in a scalp laceration, potential concussion, and car theft should)

And flame face. Flame face took me to a nice restaurant to show off his nice expense account. He was a blind date set up by my mother, who is also responsible for Fat Elvis and Ramen Noodle Truck Stop Man. Anyway, he had a lot of product in his hair. A lot. And he somehow managed to catch his paper menu on fire via a…

I was dating this guy, and I was attracted to him on an intellectual level because he was so creative, but the physical attraction wasn't very high. He was kind of an awkward lover - if we switched from me on top to him on top, instead of rolling over, he'd stand up on the bed while I laid down. And not only would he…

Had an awful crush on this fellow actor in college. He was a Senior, I was a Soph. We played opposite each other in a play and did the flirty, "Hey, I like you" thing. He was very popular, so I ASSUMED he'd had girlfriends/sexy time before. We made out in his dorm room for a bit and things were progressing…when he…

Cool, I'll partake. This isn't "PIV" so I don't know if it counts.

I went on a bad date with a pothead stranger from the Internet, but he was so hot I took him home with me. He proceeded to completely fail at getting hard, and halfheartedly got me off with his fingers. Then he blamed his impotence on 3 things: 1. pot, 2. all the masturbation he had done that day, and 3. porn. …

Berger was a tool. Even before the Post-It.

Seems to me like these people need to spend less time making spreadsheets and more time spreading on the sheets, amirite?

I don't think my father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, would be very happy to hear about this...

REMEMBER THE SINGING DICK.

Guys, a public service announcement. No one finds your dick as interesting as you do. (Caveat: you have some sort of deformity that has been/should be written up in a medical journal.)

Has a dick pic ever worked for anyone ever? "You have deplorable table manners, your stance on same sex marriage is alarming, and your relationship with your mother has a distinct Psycho vibe. However, your penis is pleasingly shaped and the crown has a certain joie de vivre. How soon can we marry?"

Maybe I'm reading (understanding) it wrong, but it seems to me like he's obsessed with her image. He likes her face, body and the fact she can get million likes on Instagram. Its all physical.....materialistic, shallow, vain. First thing that pops into his mind when someone asks him about his wife and the mother of…

I would kill Affleck and Bloom and fuck Theorux

He sounds like a jackass, but I'm on his side in terms of the custody dispute.

I like that this piece isn't just a photoshop "Gotcha!" but points out exactly why it matters: it proves how overrated this sicko is.

The fact that he gets paid to take these blurry, no-technique, bullshit disposable-camera-looking pictures makes me want to set things on fire. Even if he wasn't a total shit as a person, he should not be employed in anything involving photography.