I was, to put it mildly, a troublemaker. My brother, an angel four years older. My brother was away at his first year of college and they didn’t allow freshmen to have cars, so his 1988 BMW was just sitting in our driveway collecting..well, nothing- it wasn’t there long enough, i got my hands on it. At 14, I decided…

One of our parenting strategies is called “The Biden.” If I need Mr. Atom to back me up on something, like YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST GO TO BED NOW, he will roll up behind me like Biden at a serious presser.

Look at that light in his eyes! He’s too excited to even think straight! Should he spend it on arcade games, or penny candy? Arcade games, or penny candy?!?! Choices!!!

So my mom’s family lives in the Florida Keys, and every year we’d drive down to Florida, visit some of our relatives, go to Disney (I didn’t realize how middle-upper-class we were then, God), then drive the rest of the way to the Keys. Some important things to know about driving the Keys: a) it’s about a 2 hour drive…

Now that I am an adult with IBS-D, looking back on my childhood I realize that back then it was IBS-C. I didn’t know that then, though, because I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about my poop. I would go sometimes a week or two without shitting, then painfully strain out a huge turd. My dad was a big teaser, and…

When I was a teenager I got sick with what the Dr. thought was appendicitis, my Mum left me with my Grandmother but told me to call her if the pain got worse and she would take me to the Emergency room, I was a bit precocious and had never been to hospital before (I will interrupt here to say I am Australian and we…

Mine is more like a half-lie, I kind of knew it was wrong but I also didn’t mean to start it. When I was 7?, I used to get this weekly kid magazine that had stories and games in it and usually some sort of crafting idea. One week the crafting idea was to make one of those dioramas in a shoebox that you peer into…

Oh my god I also have a friend who stepped on a needle and had to have it removed from her calf!! She said it felt like stepping on a chip (like a dorito) and they couldn’t find the needle in her foot. It wasn’t until the x-ray later that they found it in the calf

I really don’t know. She went out of her way to embarrass me many times with things like that (think, making me wear a sleeveless dress to a girl scout ceremony while not allowing me to shave my armpits, I’m freaking hispanic!)

I was bullied a lot in school. Middle school was exceptionally bad. My 7th grade year I got into trouble on an almost weekly basis. Some asshole would needle me with both verbal and physical abuse until I had enough and I’d snap and take a swing at them or cuss them out. I was always the one who got sent to the…

I wasn’t a great eater as a child, and I once tried to flush half of a hamburger down the toilet. Of course it caused a clog, and my mother had to call a plumber. When he informed her that someone had flushed a hamburger down the toilet, she gave me a look. I denied it vigorously and claimed I had no idea who had…

You were a great grandchild.

This isn’t a wild story, but third grade me was very much a rule follower. I was quiet, and smart, and generally just kept to myself a lot.

I don’t know if this fits, but my grandmother implicated me in her lie. She smoked Cool Menthols. Horrible terrible gross cigarettes. Back when I smoked, I was a Marlboro guy, but I had quite for years.

I had a hysterectomy because of endo, too, after 10 years of serious pain and my mom saying I was “just being dramatic.” The doctors said I should have been dead, and I held that over her head for years. All the adhesions have given me IBS, and that was made much worse by a colonoscopy, which took so long I woke up…

How about lying to my wife (started on a blind date, but didn’t end there, instead devolving into wild flailing about while trying to hold up a rapidly crumbling scaffold of lies) about my name, age and more or less every facet of my personal history? Even after she saw my driver’s license and some documents baring a…

Not my lie, but one I exposed unwittingly.

In high school, I was supposed to go to a formal with my boyfriend at the time. We went to the formal for awhile, but his ex was there who he’d cheated on me with, and I yanked him after he danced with her. After that we went to the movies with some friends. Then, being idiot teenagers, we made out, and he sucked on…

I started to text a lie to my friend yesterday, saying I was not home, as she wanted to do a pop-in. But then I envisioned her maybe driving through my apartment lot and seeing my car, so I told her to come on by.