I was thinking about Joel's muscles again the other day, and I realized I had no one to talk to about it, so naturally my thoughts turned to you Stoic Melies… Is that weird? Yeah, that's probably weird.

For a moment it felt as if I had stroked out, because it kind of looked like Jeff Winger was roasting Chris Christie in front of POTUS. That was a lot like what I imagine a stroke would be like. For me, at least.

That was a tough act to follow, but he did fine. He didn't bomb, but didn't crush it. He did fine.

I'm watching the White House Correspondents Dinner on CSPAN. Joel and the First Lady are gabbing away. He looks extremely nervous. She's doing all the talking, and he's fumbling with a glass of water, taking unsure gulps. Maybe she's a fan of Community. Maybe Joel will ask her to have POTUS make a phone call to his…

Yeah, I got a little carried away.

Was Superman any less of an amoral Kryptonian? I mean, that shocking disregard for human life as he pulled down every single building in Metropolis. How on earth were thousands of people not dying every second in that rein or terror and destruction? Should have taken it to the moon, or fucking Nevada.

Dreadful, tepid, and disturbing. It's like Michael Bay directed an alien invasion film. Kalel "saves" the day by reining down a thousand 9/11s… Everyone dies, Metropolis is leveled. Supes threatens the military, takes world hostage. Yay. The end. Impossibly awful, no, worse; moronic.

Shhhh, shhhhh, it's okay. Shhhh…

Shhhh… It's okay. Just think about Joel's rippling muscles wrapped around you, rocking you to sleep… Shhhh…

It's not clear what that guy stood for.

What if Ferris Bueller never existed, but was Cameron's psychotic alter ego behaving badly in Cameron's madness? The “Ferris/Fight Club Theory”.

I see the carpet of the Overlook Hotel in everything, everywhere. It's inside me.

Alright Hermanos, when you're right, y*urp*ou're right. Now I'm hooked.

Hmm.

Basically, no. I'm essentially Groundskeeper Willie. Are you new to AV Club?

I thought I was posting on the God's Not Dead review. What the hell is Basic Sandwich?

Noah, a movie that got his name right but little else.

…that atheist at least gets redemption at the end.

True portrayals? Explain.

No. If Professor Pantomime was a gay bully, and Josh was an outspoken LGBT advocate, it still would've been every bit of a stinker that this tripe is.