Do you think the Earl of Oxford spent countless nights restlessly tossing and turning in bed, as he relived that fart over-and-over again? I bet he tortured himself with counterfactual fantasies about how life would’ve unfolded if his asshole had not betrayed him.

I moved away from Pittsburgh in 2008 and every football season (AND draft day(s)) I spend the entire Sunday viciously arguing about the team, via text, with my best friend from the Steel City. This how it works: we each take turns pissing all over each other for being too pessimistic or optimistic, depending on what…

He seems like a really cool guy—with his flamboyant suits, God-fearing Ferraris, and socialism(?!): https://www.facebook.com/billy.boucher.75

I think we found our little racist firecracker: https://www.facebook.com/billy.boucher.75

“You wanna fuck me?”—

This whole development has Danny Ocean’s fingerprints all over it; it stinks to high-heaven.

When I was nine-years-old—and two years deep into my parents’ divorce—I moved in with my father, after spending the first two with my mother. He lived in a modest, but nice two-bedroom apartment and, like my mother, trusted me to get home from school and entertain myself until he got home from work in the evening.

My…

Agreed (mostly)—especially when contrasting this viewing experience with any matchup featuring Nick Saban and Alabama. I’m not even a fan of the Crimson Tide, but Saban’s team is so fucking wound up in his monolithic, zero-sum culture that by the end of the game I find myself wondering if my failure to grasp the…

“Just as so many predicted a little over six months ago, when he first announced the addition of his beloved “Bitey,” boxer Floyd Mayweather is missing and presumed dead - a single, bloody shoe is all that remains of the champion.”

I’m not sure what bothers me more about this; the bald cognitive dissonance, or the lazy invocation of deeply embedded racism.

Daniel Snyder’s lawyers don’t understand that trademarks cited do not categorically “disparage...or bring people into contempt/disrepute” a specific racial or ethnic group. The fact is that millions of people—myself included—are proud of their JIZZY UNDERWEAR.

Being a Steelers fan means accepting that—on some level—I am fundamentally a dirt-bag.

The two franchises should be merged into a single team called the Los Angeles Dong-Masterz; a straw-man franchise would become the fourth team in the AFC West and automatically go 8-8 or 6-10 every season, based on a coin flip.

Running frantically (or across four lanes of traffic) to catch a metro bus. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I enjoy weed—especially as an adult who swapped the existential anxieties of adolescence for those of the tangible variety—but I had a couple of those "curled up on the couch" moments when I was younger. The garbage-weed I usually had access to in college fostered a 'shock and awe' situation when smoking the good…

This is the predictable byproduct of an insular, plutocratic organization—one worth billions—that is only subject to any semblance of accountability when someone blows the whistle, or fucks up so badly that the it becomes a top story.

As others have pointed out—no one usurped Sterling's right to talk like the racist dick-bigot he is. I don't think the NBA is the secret fourth branch of government.

Kashi Chocolate Pillows—discontinued for a decade, but leaves behind a legacy of dong-twitching tastiness.