If I’m paying 31 million buckaroos for my wedding, it must include Idris Elba interrupting the proceedings, declaring his everlasting love for me and marrying me on the spot while David Bowie sings “Life on Mars.” For starters.

strike a similar chord to a man proclaiming that his emotional state makes him “the woman in the relationship.”

I’ve also found there’s a difference between a genuine “bridezilla,” i.e. a terrible human being getting married and using it as a club on everyone around her, and a “bridezilla” in the sense of somebody who does not willingly take the shit of wedding venues, vendors, or family members. The former is bad, the latter…

I look at things like this and have to admit to myself that conservatives are not entirely wrong about some issues.

Ah, Wesleyan. Keep fucking up, you gorgeous institution.

I mean I should delete that comment but honestly “fucking kites” is making me laugh so hard we’re just gonna let it stay for a sec

Someone created an account 22 minutes ago just to tell us they hate kites. Even for Gawker this is odd.

Kites are the worst. Sometimes I wish I could just clip all their strings.

I would add, that other 50% we don’t have it because I’m too confused because my partner just tried to initiate in some weird way that went over my head or turned me off from complaining about how we don’t have sex enough. Or I’m on the rag :(

Love Schumer. Hate Autoplay.

I’m imagining the kid as an adult.

I don’t believe in casual sex. I always wear a tuxedo even if the event is held on a weekday.

I’m guessing because there are so many regulations for baby furniture? Like if you buy an adult queen size bed frame from them and it’s $25 and it falls apart in 2 weeks they are just like yeah, that’s why it’s named kerrplunken.

have you ever stared at someone really pretty for too long and figured out they’re not really that pretty?

I wonder if Swedish royals also go to IKEA, look at their baby furniture, and then go, “WTF why is it so expensive?!”

Elizabethtown was supposed to be Bloom’s Garden State. Instead it was his Battlefield Earth.

I read the headline as “RuPaul” at first.