I’m crying on the toilet, and I didn’t even have Chipotle yesterday.

Great. Now I want to go to McDonalds.

How many times do they have to tell you they don’t start serving lunch until 10:15? Your fault at this point imo

Just shut up and enjoy this story, and whatever you do, don’t click on the Florida State Seminoles tag at the top of the post.

Are we sure Travis Rudolph goes to Florida State? Florida State? Florida State? Bobby Bowden, Deion Sanders, Jameis Winston, etc? Tomahawk Chop, crab legs, sexual assault, etc? Are you sure? Is he sure?

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

U.S. Soccer is a bunch of hypocrites considering Tim Howard has been blurting out inappropriate things his entire career.

Wall: Sometimes I’ll just walk up to him and show him a picture of my house, which is filled with basketballs. Basketballs I may never ever pass to him.

Look at it this way, last time players in that locker room hated each other they brought a shitload of guns in to settle it. This is an improvement!

Come on. This is Deadspin. Sports references!