Okay normally I find this stuff annoying (sorry I'm awful) but this was actually pretty cute. I love the fact that not only did this groom do this for his bride but his friends participated as well. Cute.

Here's the other reason I did a Foods That Should Not Exist: since this is the column that landed me this job, and a trip out of the nightmare that is the food industry, I thought it only fitting that my last full feature as a Recruit (other than next Monday's BCO) be a probably-overdue edition of Foods That Should…

My favorite description of him is when Erin called him "a tribal arm band tattoo that willed itself into becoming a full-fledged human man." But yours is easily #2.

He must know about the original A Modest Proposal that suggested (among other things) eating babies right? He MUST be at least somewhat aware that he named his message after the greatest work of satirical irony.

I was musing to my husband that if I were ever forced to date again, I think I'd ask out a lot more people and my line would be, "Would you like to have dinner with me long enough to discern if we want to sleep together?" So, I admit, I like this guy's approach.

What, you're telling me women don't like to be addressed like they're the subject of a scientific experiment? Who knew!

When my kid asks me where babies come from, I'm just going to say "When a man and a woman love each other very much, the woman puts her hand on her stomach. Then a stranger takes a picture and publishes it. That's how a woman gets pregnant."

How does she know she's having twins? You can't find out the gender until like, 20 weeks and there's no way she's that far along. I'm a pregnancy expert now, don't question me.

The term "spare heir" really rubs me the wrong way.

Sorry Trouty, but you just got replaced by Shane as my personal hero.

I'm just upset because I seem to be "ducking" all the time.

"That was really her being bad. She's not a good babysitter," Abby said.

SNIPERS on his front lawn? For (what turned out to be false) alleged robbery? Jesus Christ.

Not gonna lie, every time I see how much it costs for Mrs. Apogee to be someone's bridesmaid, all I can think of is, "if it's that fucking important, then the bride and groom can pay for that shit."

This makes me glad I'm not American and didn't get involved in bridesmaiding while I lived there. I always thought brides pay for everything they require of their bridesmaids (which has been my experience both as a bride and a matron of honour).

Yes. And even though we account for only 5% of the world population, we comprise roughly 25% of the world's prisoners. And most of them aren't locked up for violent crimes, either. This is the fruit of the Drug War, and the for-profit prisons that (via the 13th amendment to the constitution) use legal slave labor from…

He's a bra is half full kind of a guy.