The only Porsche enthusiast who can bang underage girls is Jerry Seinfeld. 

The liberal media has a hidden agenda of making you know about things.

Naw, fuck the generation that treated women and minorities like inferior beings and took advantage of government programs and a great economy to enrich their lives and then decided future generations shouldn’t have that luxury. I’ll take people with phones over douchebag racist baby boomers any day.

If you don’t easily see what context that adds (to a story about his fans making idiots out of themselves and acting like little spoiled children) nothing anyone says will help you understand.

Why don’t YOU get a second job and donate $2 billion to charity?

Ok. Wtf. Words I never thought I’d say:

That’s actually baddass.

Hey man, the last Skoda I was in was Superb

Pontiac Aztek!!

TSA held you up at Heathrow? In London? England?

That’s why I chose TaintCoin. I felt it was a buffer between ButtCoin and CockNBallsCoin and safer from market volatility.

Can’t wait to hear all the hot takes from the yinzers about how the Steelers are doing the right thing by not giving Bell a big contract that he has earned while also lambasting Pirates ownership for being cheap (they are).

At the moment, he toils for free.

Immature as I am, the fact that “the Queen’s head” on a US Navy ship would be where the monarch drops a deuce pleases me tremendously.

That’s Patton Oswalt in a wig:

So, she is from The South where passing was a thing folk did to escape slavery or terrible treatment. A great deal of Southerners are having their feelings crushed because they find out that a Grandma and/or Grandpa had a lick of tar. This whole process is teaching me the definition of karma on a grand scale. It would…

The British truly are amazing. Take a bunch of hardened criminals, ship them around the world, and make them hate fun just as much as someone from London.

you’ll end up smoking 20k in meth when you realize all of those cars are “i’ll get to it here in a second” by the owner for the past 50 years.