A Cardinals player would have stayed on third base.

Meanwhile Billy Haisley is over at Jezebel writing a 4000 word post about how American sex workers are so inferior to European ones because we don’t have sex worker relegation here in the States.

I agree with these guys. Not all of us straight guys want to have sex with the Rock. Some of us just want to spend the night cuddling on the couch with him, watching Fried Green Tomatoes, affectionately feeding each other popcorn. So maybe you do need to meet more straight guys.

THANKS AUBAMEYANG

A surprisingly hard game: Who said it, Billy Haisley or Ayn Rand?

No, what he means is that everytime he types or says any of the following:

#COYS

I think Greg and Patrick are behind the Spurs hate more so that Billy...

“It’s hard [to force ourselves] to say more about Tottenham than we already have”

Using Chapstick causes you to need Chapstick more, so that you need to keep buying it. Why else would I be addicted?!

Mock Jim Tomsula ALL you want. Dude had his contract paid off when he was fired. He made $14-million for coaching one miserable year of football. Do you know how much Costco instant mashed potatoes $14-million buys? Jim Tomsula does!

Just in case we needed another reason to vote Griffey in:

Phil, it’s a tradition unlike any other.

As always, fuck Jim Nantz.

John Adams: “I must study politics and war, that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy, natural history and naval architecture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, tapestry, and porcelain.”