Keeping with the creepy Evangelical theme, my friend pinned this. I dub the style "folk Orwellian."

Whatever your beliefs about sex, I've never understood the desire to make a big show of your virginity. 'This is my promise ring, I'm promising to wait . . . ' Uh, who cares? No one wants to hear about that crap. That's cool if that's what you believe, but let's not pretend it's some amazing achievement to not do…

Daddy-provided anti-sex jewelry. There's no possible way this could lead to an experimental period in college where Princess lays sexual waste to the masses of genitalia of her choosing.

I stopped reading at the fifth line. Life is short and idiots abound.

Themselves. That is to say, by actively participating in that site, you basically can just go fuck yourself.

Yes, not at all like the guys who have countdowns to when teen celebs will be "legal," as if any of you neckbeards have a chance in hell of screwing any of them.