i officially love kelly ayotte.

i love GTA because i get to blow shit up as stress relief and my avatar is the hottest bitch you’ve ever seen.

i wiped out humanity with “your mom”

as your friendly neighborhood college student, I will be stocking up on ramen, vodka, and plastic bags (to cover my bike seat)

the party dorm on campus had a notorious incident last year where a shit in a box was discovered and moved from floor to floor within the stairwell over the course of the day.

several hours later but i definitely got sick of the lowercase keyboard within 5 minutes of updating.

*exhales slowly*

and you know what? you deserve to like whatever you wanna like. you do you, boo.

unless every single passenger on the plane was ordering alcohol, i don’t see how it’s that big of a burden

it seems everything was going fine until a coworker pitched a fit so... fuck those entitled assholes who can’t mind their own business?

YOU PUT... SCISSORS... UP YOUR VAGINA...

I’m giving her a pass because she was leaving for work.

roommate: what are you watching?

oh my god, the guy who wrote the alex rider books is writing the bond books now?

i’d also like to cast him as my lover

tbh he wished he was as famous as haley joel osment

a b-list young celebrity was in my major last year and naturally everyone on campus knew who he was, but when my friend came down from another school to visit for the weekend, she hadn’t seen any of his recognizable work and had no clue who he was.

f britney, m ciara, k nash grier

like a testicle with teeth

i’ll chug it like that woman in china chugged her cognac