this guy is one bad haircut away from being tracked down by Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey

When I get my time machine running, I’m coming for you, 1985 James Spader.

As a fan of the classics I much prefer the original douchebag manual:

Man, he’s gonna be pissed when someone reads this article to him.

Frankly, saving baby ducks is pretty high on the list of things I want my tax dollars used for. So American -decency doesn’t bother me, but don’t spend any money on it.

Ugh, this wannabe victim. Riding the rape-accusation train to GLORY. Now look at her. She’s got everything! A face with a mouth! College! A mattress! Some people who don’t like this precious male on her behalf! WHAT NEXT?! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS LIAR NEXT?!

Right? Moms should breastfeed in the bathroom, but only when other people tell them to. Otherwise, it’s just gross. Or something.

I just remembered a great one! Last month, my friend - who is the chillest, least confrontational, most mild-mannered person in the whole world - was visiting Israel and he ran into some German lady who was like, “Why can’t there just be peace?” My friend was all, “Yeah, totally” (my friend and I are both Jewish but…

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in…

I have some really difficult and conflicting feelings about this.

Gotta love how all the judgment is thrown that the woman, and not at any of the 25 dudes who had sex with her, presumably quite well aware of what was going on.

“And what is a person supposed to do? :/”

I mean, there is something to be said for the courtesy period before starting things with the new person.

Sometimes I wonder if he knows women CAN vote.

Just exactly how is it “pro-life” to ban abortions that would save womens’ lives?

“He’s supported legislation in the past that would ban abortion except in cases of rape, incest, or to save the mother’s life; at other points in time he’s supported bills seeking to ban abortions without exception.”

My grandma and grandpa got married in 1953.

No, no. I’m referring to my friends’ recipe sharing on Facebook where they talk about how they are going to try such-and-such recipe, which is always some iteration of a cream of something canned soup, a block of Velveeta, canned chicken chunks, and maybe a broccoli floret. Throw it all in a crock pot and call it…

the people who like grilled cheese sandwiches have more sex because the people who don’t like grilled cheese sandwiches don’t exist.

Here’s one of my favorite gp vids

Gurl. Do we have to tell you to dump a sister fucker?