Indeed. This “masseuse” sure sounds like an ex-boyfriend who is upset his money spigot has been turned off. Doesn’t mean I know whether Simmons’ assistant is good or bad, but the guy doing the complaining seems sketchy af.

I saw Richard at LAX once, chatting up some fans.

Dear NASCAR:

I feel bad for elephants, they didn’t ask to be dragged into this. And I’m also annoyed because I think that pink elephant skirt is cute but I don’t want to be associated with CPAC.

Surely it’d be better to laminate it and hang it by one’s back door.

There’s actually a disturbing amount of script happening. Women like pink and ... like ... pearls and cursive and shit, right?

IKR?
Although the flowery “exit only” font had me full on *laughing*.

(suitable to laminate and hang on one’s front door perhaps?)

“I will take 20 of your finest plastic fetuses, please.”

Anna, I hope Gawker Media is also footing a massive bar tab for this because I know I couldn’t do this sober without my head exploding all over the pink elephant fetus merch.