Thank you! Airplanes are built for humans. Some humans (like me) have allergies. Your right to your ‘emotional support’ animal ends at my inability to breathe.

What is the average salary they’re currently making?

So glad I got off the inane gerbil wheel 3 months into D1. Anyone still playing deserves what they get.

I went even further and married the dog person (and we have a cat). It’s awful. Get used to dog hair everywhere and re-defining what clean means. Also I hope you don’t have carpet. Also your furniture is now temporary. Also if the dog sleeps in the bedroom and snores it’s even more fun.

Wildfire. It’s a trap!

How many won’t believe the real one now?Dumbfucks.  

He just wanted what the title calls for.

“Rolled back”. Well-played.

Sen. Markey? Any relation?

Awkward.

Thanks Obama.

What’s plagarism? Is it like edting?

WTF. Every day I wake up wondering if it’s boing to be Bryan Singer day but it’s always some rando. When?!

Ride on, Malcolm.

I prefer the Howard Stern version.

Ninety-five cents? Fuck you I’ll skate to the beach.

Can’t that card be played by everyone being shamed re: Weinstein? See something say something or no?

I wonder how many “Sorry I need help I’m really sorry I’m going to rehab.” letters have been drafted and are waiting for the event to push PUBLISH.