When he knew we were pretending, my Dad used to say ‘Now...whatever you do...on pain of very painful death...and emptying the dishwasher...and hoovering...and TICKLES...

I would have PELTED down there. I used to stand in mushroom rings and hope they’d take me to fairyland...kind of sad really, I guess.

Why did he not want to read Heidi?

Yes, that bit is sketchy.

I don’t know how to do gifs but this:

This just kept getting worse and worse

THIS IS THE SECOND THING IN THIS THREAD THAT I’VE ONLY JUST FOUND OUT IS A LIE I’M CALLING MY MUM RIGHT NOW

YOU MEAN THIS ISN’T TRUE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Once a CD that Santa had brought me turned out to be broken but it was okay because my mum told me he’d happened to borrow her credit card to get it so she had the receipt.

Ha! What would your choice have been?

I’ve posted this before, but when I was very young (up to the age of six or so) my Nan and Grandad used to look after us a lot. My Grandad had only one leg, and one day I asked him why. He told me that it had been bitten off by a shark, which I trustingly accepted because I wasn’t even aware of ‘lying’ as a thing at…

But the mum originally said that she set them free, not that they died...

Fagin was an anti-semitic stereotype, I read

Turns out True Detective wasn’t my thing; it’s just that deep South neo-noir directed by Cary Fukunaga was.

Amen

There are female writers for that show?!?!?!

There was the time Penny got hooked on WoW (or similar)?

OH!

It is! The Londonderry Air is an old Irish song, but it sounds like bottom. *snickers*

Somewhere between Nessa from Gavin and Stacey and Pam from Archer is the woman I want to be.

Oh man, my ovaries