When I was eight I tried to start a new currency with the tiny sparkly stones that came in the playground border gravel.

You just reminded me of one! My Grandad was a diabetic and due to several health issues he had his leg amputated before I was born. He and my Nan used to look after me when my parents went to work and one day I asked him what happened to his leg. He told me that it was bitten off by a shark. I believed this until I…

My mum was always worried that if my little brother had bubble gum he would choke so she told him that bubblegum was a swear word. He bought it (or rather, didn't for fear of offending the shopkeeper) until he was around 13.

Yeah, I've done this. I know my Grandad would approve so I feel no shame.

'When you hear the ice cream van playing music, that means they ran out of ice cream.'

I'd call female foodies 'woodies'. See how they like that.

Superman has a shield?!

People want civil partnerships to show solidarity, mostly. If he's so pro-gay marriage then it has to be the same as heterosexual marriage, splitting hairs over the difference nullifies his pretension of inclusivity.

I love it! Another favourite is the German word for the contraceptive pill...

Oh, cool, like I'm in walkable distance to Hampstead Heath? :-D

This is the reasoning behind government monitoring of citizens.

Is being mocked worse than being sexualised? I wouldn't like either. I'd argue that creepshots are NOT pictures of things that are publicly visible, because the girls ARE wearing skirts. They are hiding the subject of the photos. So it's not public.

Kummerspeck.

YES PLEASE!!!!

You live in South Ken?

Are you shitting me? By the time I do all of these things I'll have to go to bed. You sound like Cosmo.

If she got a bunch of free cooked cats and dogs, and she really liked chickens, sure.

As my Portuguese housemate says, 'If someone gives you a horse you do not look at it's teeth.'

When I had sex in a graveyard I got 27 mosquito bites. To which I'm allergic. All on my ass and thighs. I swelled up so much I had to buy temporary jeans.

I used to collect interesting sex locations. There was a really beautiful old church very near my 6th form college which was in turn very close to a famous boys' school in the UK. It had a lovely, quiet graveyard and I had sex all over the place. It took me a few months to work up the courage to have sex in the church…