i'll allow it so long as you incorporate "donkey sauce" in a way that does not disappoint.

I may be misrembering my bible here but I believe that Jesus, and his apostles, don’t dance they just pull up their pants and do the roc-away.

How I envy/fear/am perplexed by the 1% that has never heard of Donald Trump.

OMG! Dish this right on UP please!!!

Make sure to hold on to your children really tightly as you walk in to your doctor’s office though.

My son attends a Catholic high school for the education although we are atheists. Every year the school plans to attend the march although the weather sometimes does not permit. As an enticement for the kids to go, the trip counts toward their community service hours. For those children who do not go, the teachers may…

I live in DC and work not too far from the Hill. Every year I see this invading infestation of assholes for this march. What upsets me most are the children I see - ones who are clearly to young to have made up their minds on an issue, who are being used as political props. And then on a much more practical level,…

Once again, Hollywood casts a skinnier individual for a role meant for a larger person. Gimli should not get to play Chris Christie. That should be reserved for the Trolls and the Balrogs.

I’m game to star in the Real Housewives of Gaithersburg.

....Apparently, Ted Cruz thinks this is Sarah Palin

Maybe Trump and Cruz will have an old fashioned sword duel to win Palin’s fancy and take each other out.

You are a television genius.

ooooh maybe, I am intrigued!

I’ve heard that more than once in the past day—I would be all for it!

Now I want a bagel from NY. The shit in DC is just stale as hell.

Play the dog version?

I’m perpetually on the fence about whether or not I want to have children. The prospect of 9 months without the heavenly starchiness that is potatoes adds a LOT to the “con” side of things.

Read the fucking article, idiot. You should have gotten a brand new Birkin. Way better investment than a BMW.

Let us not forget Jackrabbit Guy, who is probably the most unfortunate of all I’ve experienced.

Counterpoint: There is no better snack food than chocolate milk.