Via Tumblr.

“So: what totally frivolous item would you buy if you suddenly became filthy rich? “

Killer Whale Submarine. $90,000. I saw it in SkyMall.

So my parents bought their retirement home from a wealthy, childless gay couple. Y’all, this spot is wall-to-wall party showers. We’re talking minimum 25 square feet in the smallest one with 3 shower heads, and the master bedroom with, no fucking shit, 12 heads total and enough room to comfortably fit at least 10-15…

Tonight, James wears a hat, some birds do bird things, and Richard is a giant piece of naan.

naania

I texted my husband a picture of my boobs when he was out of town once. He texted back a long response about the “dangers of the cloud.”

you know jake from state farm?

THANKS, OBAMA!

“you’ve never worked with the general public before.”

I’ve been working with General Public so long, he was just Lieutenant Public when I got started.

It isn’t. And it won’t. We’ve been accepting schlubby men in sitcoms and in some instances even holding them up as sex symbols for years. The wife is always hot. She’s expected to be hot.

With all due respect, if this is satire, it’s very poorly done. Most readers of this site are educated, bright, and quite humorous. If this was even a moderately well-written satire piece, more readers would have realized it.

Is that what was decided after the intended narrative didn’t catch on? LOL nice try.

I once didn’t poop for like three days on a camping trip, so I’m pretty sure I’m a gastroenterologist.

If I check “I know I DON’T want it, HAHAHA U FEEL ME?” isn’t it the same as checking yes? Or did I listen to that song incorrectly?

As a fan of the classics I much prefer the original douchebag manual:

Still, his performance in The Fault in Our Stars wasn’t half-bad.

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

I’m a little late but here goes. I worked in a Gay Dennys in Arizona and soon after gay marriage became legal, I had the most adorable elderly couple of men, one white, one black. They were seated at the counter and had on these beautiful leis. I asked if I could feel the real flowers and asked what the occasion was.…

Commenters disagreed: One wrote asking why the Kleins were so upset about GoFundMe canceling their fundraiser when the site was doing the same thing the Kleins had done, refusing the use of their product for something they didn’t agree with.