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I think the Pickle-Tip guy was a malfunctioning outer space robot from Mars. See, he heard, "Don't take any wooden nickles," and then glitched it into "don't take any wooden pickles," and then misinterpreted that to mean "The earth-humans demand gifts of pickles plaaced upon the wooden table. I have pleases Emperor

One time when I was outside of a Cheesecake Factory smoking a cigarette a man propositioned me thinking I was a hooker.

I had a table once whisper loudly to their children, "if you don't go to college, you'll end up waiting tables like her..." while I was prebussing their table.

My personal favorite was this one:

This, THIS is what a normal, sane person is talking about when they're saying that a business can and sometimes should refuse someone service. The utterly insane assholes who start off treating the staff like slaves and go downhill from there. The POS who threatens their way into free stuff because they know a

Managers who don't stand up for their employees are THE WORST.

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know my cheddar biscuits will be free. And I won't forget the men who died, so I can bitch about automatic gratuity.

And none of it is for you, potato lady!

So....were the "Air Force" sons in Lawrence's story threatening to bomb San Francisco if this restaurant didn't give them a military discount? I'm trying figure out if they could have possibly meant anything else.

"I don't need to justify how I earn a living any more than you do."

Me during the popcorn story

“Restaurant food was decent but I had to provide my own bread and wine. The next day I was nailed to a plank of wood and died. Would not recommend.”

I’m from Scranton. Whenever I visit, which is not often, I’m reminded why it was once referred to as “the armpit of America”. It’s a backwards, anti-intellectual area full of cranky elderly people who stare out their windows to spy on you.

Hi, I live in Seattle and I hand-craft artisanal hatred for it.

I made the horrible mistake of attempting gummy vitamins, and boy, oh boy did I pay the price. They made me so gassy. I was at work, on my period, and trying to (quietly) fart my way to freedom on a beautiful summer Friday while at work. Suddenly, I get the “I don’t think this is farts anymore” feeling.

Everything about this is horrifying

I was overcome with horrible cramps and that hot-cold-sweaty-OMG-something-awful-is-about-to-happen feeling while shopping with my 9 year-old at Trader Joe’s. I told her to take the cart, and I was going to the bathroom at the back corner of the store. I sprinted, and made it just in time to avoid an embarrassing

When I was 11 I went on a trip to Disneyworld with my family. Luckily for us, a shuttle launch was happening at Cape Canaveral one of the nights we were there, about an hour’s drive away. So, the night of the shuttle launch, after a long day of Disney-ing, we piled into the rental car and drove towards Cape Canaveral.

One Friday at a college quad event I was two Four Lokos into my journey of mid-day inebriation and was refusing to get out of the rented dunk tank (which was THE FUNNEST THING IN THE WORLD when both trashed and hyper-energized). Long story short, after 20 minutes of being violently dropped and jostled I obviously

I have a super dramatic fainting story. When I was in college, whenever I came home for breaks I had to go to church with my family (I was an atheist then as now, but it was a requirement of the house.) It was a super conservative catholic church with latin mass. It goes without saying there was to be no eating before