THIS IS THE ONLY THING I CARE ABOUT ANY MORE, SORRY EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD.

I read the 'tee hee hee,' of course, as a falsetto TEE-heehee. Followed by a crotch grab.

Serf & Turf

The author of the Vice article just seems very immature: Numerous relationship partners did not meet your requirements, but you continued the relationship every time? She has vowed to never give another person oral forever. Forever is a long time, girl.

? But this is about a woman that thinks she is owed being eaten out. There was no argument that guys are entitled to being blown. That she wants it only one way is her prerogative. But it also reflects that she's just a shitty person.

Right? 'Oh no guys! I looked at the world's blowjob inventory and there are missing blowjobs! We counted them all! A few are missing. Why isn't this cat lady coming up with the missing blowjobs?!"

I don't know why anyone would be obligated to do anything in the bedroom. Penises of the world, no one owes you a blow job, no matter how swell you think you are.

As long as both parties are cool with it, I see no problem.

I knew a guy in college who never went to this one class. Around the time the midterm is coming up, he goes to his section. At the end, he asks the TA when the midterm is again. She says, "Tu..." and he's thinking "Tuesday," but what actually comes out is "Two o'clock."

He and his friend have done no reading and gone…

I am totally stealing this for everything.

I ditched my friends tonight so i could make (and eat) these garlic and parmesan tossed pretzel bites and drink wine... I don't regret it at all

This isn't really dumb, but I was at my finest and sneakiest as a third grader when I would get this weird rash from the cold Winter air outside (idk, still happens, v odd) so I would go to the nurse for Benadryl after recess.

Benadryl has never made me sleepy, but since they knew that was a potential side-effect my…

I once called in to work because my sweater was covered in human excrement. My boss called bullshit.

She was very surprised when I showed up and - lo! - the San Francisco MUNI and its delightful population of crazies had, in fact, throw feces at me that morning.

(She gave me an hour off to go home and change, but made…

"Iraq has weapons of mass destruction."

When I was in eleventh grade, my depression was getting out of control. I was actually about two months away from a suicide attempt, but obviously didn't know that yet. I was taking chemistry with an evil teacher who clearly hated students and was just waiting for full pension. He was a bully to his students and I…

I was T-boned in a major intersection, by a woman who ran through the light a good 15 or so seconds after her light turned red. Her excuse? She wasn't familiar with the area. Had I not been in pain and disoriented at the time I would have thought to ask her what color the stoplights are where she lived.

Real conversation from about 4 years ago, between me and my husband who was supposed to have quit smoking:

My brother and his (then) wife were already in town for our wedding. They were staying in the same hotel as my parents and my sister and all the other wedding guests. Come the wedding, though, they were a no-show and had checked out of the hotel. Asked for an explanation, he said "I forgot where the wedding was taking…

I had a co-worker that would fake an asthma attack whenever he didn't want to work, this would happen about once a week. He also would refuse to dust any of the fixtures because of his asthma. One time he was in the (empty) break room and another employee walked by and heard him on the phone saying he was leaving…

"I hurt my back wearing a kilt."