I went to an Amish restaurant with my parents the other day and the gift shop sold these shirts! I wanted to buy one with the Heinz logo design that said “Catchup with Jesus” or one with the Best Foods logo that said “Mayo Light Shine”... However, in this part of the country I think my tongue-in-cheek intentions would…

Cat-aclysmic.

Who? (also weeps)

I’ve overdosed on cookie dough TBH.

Full blow maca-mania.

Aside from the logistics of collecting and returning hundreds of cell phones... what if there’s an emergency? Also: no hand bags, but bring 2 forms of ID? This whole thing stresses me out.

I just realized this year that Trix did not have different flavors associated with each different fruit. For 30 years I thought the raspberries tasted like raspberries and grapes tasted like grapes. When I went to check it out they were all freaking balls. The fruit shapes are going to confuse a new generation of kids.

Ethan Hawke: litter bug.

The others are aged Gouda, and Kourtney is aged Greata... (I’ll see myself out.)

Too bad, this felt like it would be funny.

I didn’t know who Lil Xan was, but when I read the headline and saw the photo I assumed Noah Cyrus was in a budding lesbian relationship. I was super disappointed when I got half-way through the “lil xan bio” and read the pronoun “his birth name”.

I’m not even sure why I’m disappointed... I guess I’m just bored.

TL;DR…

Starred for Frank Grimes!
I give ‘em Many Good Months, tops.

Don’t be catty 😒

Talk about bush gardens 😂

The articles about Annie on NYP are truly awful. I can’t imagine having that garbage show up every time someone googles your name. That in itself would give anyone PTSD :( 

Oh crap I still rock the tank+blazer combo... I need to rethink my fashion choices 🤦‍♀️

Fun Fact: neither of these girls had rips in their jeans before they started training cats.

I’m 100% here for your take on Muppet Treasure Island as the greatest Muppet film as well as your #TimCurryTruth. Excellent work.

I think the tag is embarrassing because it means you didn’t wash the clothes before you wore them, which is kinda gross.

Happy Birthday, Miss Ass