Brilliantly written and couldn't have said it better myself. You hit all the key points. I guess if I had one thing to add, it’d be the hit/miss of their soda fountains. Some are actually impeccably clean & well maintained (those outside of NYC) and have the perfect syrup-to-bubbly carbonated water ratio down pat. If…

the best part of all is that Maggie of all people seems to be voiced by TWO voice actors (cc: Bart & Lisa)

Wow - great hack!