I think you answered your own question right there at the beginning:

this might be the best thing you’ve ever written. on jalopnik, at least.

‘cept when it comes to jeans

Why is that Rubicon driving on a perfectly good hiking trail?

i would argue that it’s not a POS you don’t care about you want. it’s a nice truck that you get to put the dents and scratches in yourself because goddamnit it’s a truck and trucks look better that way, and you get to enjoy beating it up.

You don’t even have to say “hold my beer” when doing dumb shit with summon mode.

And rich.

Wow, you’re rich.

i prefer to make a car mine by driving it a lot. bolting a bunch of parts to it? sure, if that’s your thing.

Lacrosse is dumb.

I’ve yet to meet somebody with fart can exhaust who I wanted to talk to for more than ten seconds.

Whole Foods and TJs do sure. Point is, that’s also where you can find, real, honest-to-goodness food. Not at fucking Target.

the joke is you. you are the joke.

this post was actually written by Ted Cruz

“You know everything that’s going to happen in this multimillion-dollar color-by-numbers before you see it”

ya, yuppies is prob more accurate than preppies.

Don’t know about the squirrel thing, but I’ve grown up surfing with lots of dolphins and they’re not exactly annoying, but they may as well be seagulls at this point.

ya, me too. it was once a point of pride. you didn’t want to be called a hipster for fear of not living up to the name.

Went to a Yokohama Bay Stars v. Tokyo Giants game last October. Was easily, EASILY, the best baseball game experience I’ve ever had.