At some point in history my kids got possession of fake dog shit that looks troubling real. They use it often and it has been an April Fool's staple in the past. This morning I went into the bathroom and saw it on the floor, Ha Ha real original guys. It was only after I'd picked it up with my bare hand I realized…

My 1.5 year old smelled like she crapped her diaper.

My son was born on April 1st and that little disappointment continues to be the cruelest prank the universe has ever played on me.

A wise man once summed this up perfectly: “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! “

The other Roddy White hasn't been responsible for any crowd noise since 2012.

Don't worry Nigel, you're not the first one to make that mistake. That's pretty much Mark Sanchez's go-to pick-up line at a Sweet 16.

RIP Zoltan

She'll get no sympathy from her roommate, the tiny violin player.

The real crime?

Ozil has been our best player since coming back from injury.

What kind of second rate sports site would pay for a picture of a naked athlete?

I know just the place for you. New York's hottest club is Lego Wild West Town. This place has EVERYTHING! A telegraph office, a stagecoach, winos, Germfs – German smurfs – a Teddy Ruxpin wearing mascara, an old lady wearing Kid 'N Play hair, and none other than DJ Baby Bok Choy.

They need a players union so bad! I know these veterans are no longer useful, but reaping, threshing, and winnowing them should really be the last straw.

Crimea river

Seems to me if you wanted to avoid spoilers, you shoulda stayed off a SPORTS website. Contributory negligence, brah.

Christ, you cannot spoiler a sports match. FULL STOP.

No doubt that late on a Friday afternoon, when no one is paying attention, the NFL would air its dirty Landry.

As a civil engineer, the tendency for city builder games to imply cities simply dump their raw sewage into the nearest river has always annoyed me.

And let this be recorded as the first time in human history that telling a dude he had a big cock elicited a negative reaction.

Few things interest me less than a white man holding a guitar, BUT "Thinking Out Loud" is an instant classic, a modern standard on arrival (the likes of which we haven't heard since Adele's "Someone Like You") that will be played at many weddings for the rest of our lives. That song just works, and I'm not mad at its…