the woman literally emailed me right after the story went up to say “i’m glad you told that commenter to fuck off”

PLEASE fuck off

fuck off

The man never expected to be this close. You can practically feel his panic in, “Oh SHIT, I actually have to explain how I’ll do it? I can’t just use my stump speech again?”

You didn’t include the joke that made me pace around my apartment for a good 5 minutes

DJ: Is this what the kids call taking a “walk of shame”
Stephanie: No, I Ubered!

what if... that were the obvious point of this essay