The beatings will continue until morale improves.

The gingerbread man sits inside his gingerbread house. Is he made of house, he wonders, or is the house made of him?

He likes lasagna! 

She is afraid public will learn Brad is not the father of any of her children. - Maury

My husband once pissed me off before a flight. I stared out the window in silence for three hours, out the bus window for one hour and then through a 30 minute information session at the hotel, before finally continuing our fight once ensconced in our room. These people need to be sentenced to a rage repression…

the poem

Or as Charles Barkley would say......That was turrible

I say stop sacrificing the youngest bridesmaid. It’s time.

I’m with you. Weddings make me happy. My brother is getting married in a couple of weeks, and I’m really looking forward to it—not least because the bride is a genuinely lovely person (unlike First Wife Who Shall Not Be Named).

That’s traditional at the baby shower, not the wedding. You celebrate the upcoming birth by eating a horse heart and them immolate your brother.

My New Year’s Eve wedding 3 years ago was awesome and fun. And my wedding planner features it every year on her Facebook page. Sorry if I sound like a braggy asshole. I am drunk and taking joy in whatever I can. 2016 can suck a big fat one.

I got married last summer, and the question I hated the most was ‘what’s the theme of your wedding?!! Like, what vibe are you going for!!!’ And my answer was just, ‘marriage. The theme of my wedding is marriage.’

“My main bugaboo is how it’s become practically mandatory for the ‘boho’ bride to get married standing in an oil drum full of her own menstrual blood.”

I like weddings. I don’t really care what kind of wedding people want to have or how much money they do or don’t want to spend on it. I guess I’m not as cynical as I thought.

“Destination wedding are making a comeback! Unfortunately that destination is Hell.”