I love the “whisper of butter” lady. I want to know what she calls other measurements. I want to go to high tea with her and watch her eat tiny sandwiches with her fingers like a squirrel.

I’ve been the barista/cashier for the person with the Most Complicated Drink Order Ever, who is also upset that we can’t make it exactly the same way that [other person who doesn’t work here, was fired, or is sick or working in another part of the store] did. I’ve also been the person waiting in line behind the person…

I think that is very true. I had to assume those customers were dragged in by other people, because in that case REALLY why are you at Starbucks? They wanted to convince me it was simple, but it really isn’t when you have a set menu of options.

Sometimes, I feel like we paralyze ourselves with the amount of options we have.

Ironically, I used to get people asking me to just stick coffee and ice in a blender INSTEAD of a frappuccino when I worked at Starbucks “like they do at other coffee places.” You really can’t ever win.

People keep saying this but like. . . a lack of hole in the bagel does not minimize the amount of cream cheese you can put on. I have been served bagels that appeared to have an entire package of cream cheese on them. It just makes the bagel higher. It’s not a problem.

I do specify the shots and it still happens. Like I said, I get why they do it and I’m sure a lot of the time it’s necessary. And I don’t really feel judged or anything, just in a totally neurotic unreasonable personal anxiety sort of way. It happens and I just blink stupidly and think about what I’m wearing or my…

Whoever thought up that naming convention should be slapped.

Goddammit. I have to pay better attention. ‘Cause I had one for this column, too.

Yes is this a thing? Why even order a bagel??

My mom used to call that “whisper of butter” a scrim. I have always been ornery enough to SLATHER the butter or cream cheese on my toast or bagel. No scrims or whispers for me!

I’m guessing you aren’t from the South, so my answer may not make sense- but Krystal’s and Waffle House are only to be eaten when you are so blindingly drunk that you don’t realize you are eating the worst food ever, and will be fully convinced in your drunken state that it is actually the best food ever. Waffle House…

·You should have just whispered “butter” on the bagel and handed it to her...

Starbucks barista here—can we also rant about how they decided to call the cafe au lait a “cafe misto”? Like what the shit?

Even at Starbucks, the macchiato thing is ridiculous. If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone order an espresso macchiato (or worse, literally just say “macchiato”, especially when they had the ~great idea~ to put THREE on the menu) and have to clarify that they want the Starbucks-style one, I’d be rich…

Niles Crane came into your coffee shop?!

i feel that if you need this kind of food surgery done, then you need to do it yourself and not hold up the line and make the employee deal with it. it’s not a food allergy or a cross contamination issue where the request has to be handled at the beginning of the food prep for safety. it’s a convenience issue for the…

Pizza drivers are usually high schoolers/college kids, especially before the economy tanked. It’s all well and good to expect adults and cops to do this, but high schoolers/college kids or kids on their first couple jobs may feel powerless to stop it and it’s understandable that they don’t stand up. Don’t get me…

No. If he tries to stand up for the new guy—a guy he doesn’t even know—suddenly he’s going to be the one to get shit on. He doesn’t have any power in this scenario; he’s not a manager, he’s a low-rung employee barely above the guy who’s just been hired. Additionally, you don’t know how badly he needs the money that…

Pizza guy, there at the bottom? That guy is my fucking hero.