Why couldn't he just take a picture with each day's newspaper, like the serial killer stalker abductor that he is?

Remember before the Internet when people just fucking proposed with a goddamn ring in a champagne glass/piece of chocolate cake/etc.?

I want an invite to their wedding because if this is the proposal, that wedding and reception are going to be a narcissistic egotistical nightmare that will be spoken of for years to come, by everyone who no longer wants to be friends with them.

Can I mention how lucky I am to have a man who made me wait at a spot at Glacier National Park for 5 minutes for 4 other people to leave in order to ask me, quietly, to marry him. No videos, no cameras, no audience. I am lucky.

Even if it were cynical the good it has done for these hospitals would outweigh it. This doesn't just end at a feel good photo-op. Because of the enormous fan base involved it translates into donations:

Two minutes for looking so good, kids

"I am writing this while drinking rum and eating Cadbury mini eggs in bed."

I'm in Canada, so technically different systems. And I don't even blame them because dude - they are trying to find a solid home for a kid who will need extra care. We just took a break because I wanted to make I was prepared to deal with all the questions before we did the whole thing. I'm sure it will all work out…

Totally. I have two kids. We were/are looking to adopt a third. My mental health was questioned because I was sad after two miscarriages. I was told they would have to investigate to make sure they could trust me with a child. But here this guy was allowed to adopt two and he doesn't even want them.

In Colorado we all have our own joints. Fuck sharing

Is she going to be played by Tig Notaro?

WTF. Really? Just paint the damn picture and keep your political commentary out of it. Jesus. Can we repaint the official portrait of Reagan to make commentary on how his AIDS policies killed thousands of people?

My best friend once told me that her mother — a harried single mom who was too tired to beat around the bush — told her that she simply would not ask questions she didn't want to know the answers to. I've always thought that was a wise take, and an indicator that come question time, shit was important.

Learning what kind of lies are acceptable and what lies aren't is an important skill to have in adulthood. There's a difference between an adult calling in "sick" because they're hungover or just need a break, and an adult stealing company money to spend on strippers and blow. Both are lies, but one is harmless and…

My parents were always convinced I was/am doing way worse things than I was. Totally convinced I've slept with every guy I've ever known, even if they were gay or just my roommate. I apparently have a much more interesting drinking and drug history than I knew. My friends like to joke that of course I grew up and…

No rules? Insane. But we had very few. We gradually let up on curfew as time went on. At 17, we discussed our daughter's curfew and she said, "Mom and Dad, nothing good happens in this town after midnight." So we left it there. Her boyfriend's parents were grateful. It meant an early night for him.

I'm 26, I live over 500 miles away from my parents, and I still lie to them. I think lying is par for the course in the parental-child relationship, it's really the significance of the lie that matters.

I am in a listicle mood today, so:

I... look like a wealthy conservative. I am most decidedly not either of those things however when I go out at night my friends get hit on my every gorgeous creative type in the room and I get ALL the bros.

Noooo! Don't add anything to your dried mascara, that's just creating a breeding ground for bacteria. Not only that, those drops or oil are altering the formula of the product making it less effective anyway. I'd rather pay the $8 for a new mascara than going to the emergency clinic because I gave myself an eye…