Or it was a totally intentional perfectly timed joke. Bet some intern over at ABC is snickering their head off right now.

Girl, I hear you.

When I was little I would watch kungfu shows set in ancient China with my dad and in them the ladies would play the guzheng while also shooting poisoned needles from the strings. I'm not sure why that came to mind, except that that is almost the only setting I have ever really seen the instrument being used. This is…

To add to what others have said, you DO NOT have to be a nice person in order to be a rape victim. It's alright to attempt to humanize Madonna or justify her previous NOT rape related behavior so that we are better able to empathize with her horrible experiences but it's not a prerequisite to being raped.

Yeah. Well no one ever said a rape victim couldn't also do extremely shitty things. It's not like you get raped and suddenly you're just nice to people, even other rape victims. There's still a lot of personality and ego that gets in the way of that.

Yeah it's exactly the reason why she probably never discussed it. Because of people like this who immediately look at her professional behavior and say, "stop fucking lying. You weren't raped. This is just another way for us to pay attention to you."

Arrrg I read through this entire thread for something like this. For this exact thing. Because this is really gross and sick. The back and forth of "well she's sought attention her entire life so this much also be a cry for attention" and "well I mean she did masturbate on stage and publish a sex book but it doesn't…

But speech making. Now there's something I needed to learn.

I'm really glad you're ok or otherwise you wouldn't be writing this. Unless you're writing this from heaven. Are you writing this from heaven? Anyway, my point is that this story is hilarious and I'd feel bad about laughing except you appear to have survived.

So apparently boys don't need friends or social skills?

You forgot the part where she cut some dude's head off. How amazing would it have been for Elizabeth Warren to go over and slice Boehner's head off with a katana?

Ahahah yeah it was TLC, but I forgive you.

I would pay to see gas station attendant Jay Z attempt to woo Beyonce. Back in the 80s the part of Jay Z would've been played by Eddie Murphy and the part of Beyonce would've been played by Whitney Houston. Greatest Rom Com ever made guys.

So...Tilda Swinton in all these things?

I suppose legally it's all ok. Sort of. But morally it's really icky right? Like oh hey you're only 4 years old but I'm going to follow you around with a camera and then sell your image to the highest bidder.

It's weird that April would shop at J. Crew. That's the only weird part. Maybe all this other stuff was purchased on sale? Or from eBay? Or at Marshalls? Serious man. You could get a good quality Tommy Hilfiger trench for 20 bucks off eBay if you're good at it.

"The Female human body is the most beautiful work of Art God ever created..."

Unless you're black or fat! Seriously though. What's with this guy and black girls? The obvious answer is racism, I know, but apparently he's cool with EVERY other kind of girl but black? Geez....

"...I am just tr[y]ing to put out here my…

I like him when he's just being himself. He's quite lively and fun. I enjoy him every time he's on The Big Fat Quiz of the Year. But yeah his acting leaves much to be desired.

I know Russell Brand can be a bit much but he really does have the ability to come up with the most unique sentences.

How surprised was I about this? Not surprised at all.