This. I guess Conan is supposed to scour Twitter every night, and make sure his staff hasn’t stolen anyone’s jokes?  

We now bring you Patton’s testimony, live from next month -

I’m suprised this case has gotten far enough for a courtroom trial. I'm even more suprised that the case is going against Conan himself and not the guy who wrote the allegedly stolen joke. I'm pretty sure the judge in this case is gonna throw it out after everyone testifies. It's pretty clear that guy is seeking…

These are hackey jokes that anyone could have come up with...

You know, the three jokes you gave as examples are kind of generic, “late-night monologue” jokes that anyone could have come up with, so it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary if Coco (and his writers) and the gentleman in question wrote similar jokes. Just sayin’.

I hear Tim Heidecker will be acting as defense counsel.

I dunno. I’ve been dating Jamie Lee Curtis for decades and she doesn’t even know I exist.

She's the heroine we need! Love her!

Jameela Jamil will NOT back down on talking about fake weight loss teas, OK???

You know a lot of people taking home less than 20 grand per year and spending solidly half that just on renting a single room who are “getting by just fine” eh?

$10 per hour and $600 a month rent. So $10/hr, 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year, is $20,800 a year. Minus rent is $13,600 a year.

How could I forget that anecdotes are now real data.

He is really great at playing creepy people. It freaks me out sometimes, because he really is such a nice guy.

Well said.

That’s what I tell my non-Jewish friends - every religious group has their own crazies and these are ours.

Now I'm just a gentile, but I haven't been able to find any religious justifications to be anti-vax for orthodox Jews. Am I missing something?

What a surprise, it’s being funded and propped up by people whose environmentalism isn’t about about tackling problems but simply “science is evil and will destroy us” Luddism.

That last one is actually tomatoes, as seen on GBBO 2017 during Italian week...who wore it better??

Worst thing i ever did was tell my dad that my mom was beating me (she was). He used the info to try to get me and my bro. She won in court. I was about 8 or so at the time. I got to see my dad 2 more times before i buried him when i was 19. I know i was a kid but i still regret it. Things could of been a lot better. 

I dunno about Garr as being a one-note performer, but I would like to see her guest star on 30 Rock. I'd like to see her as one of Jack's youthful indiscretions. Their scenes together would be great.