I changed my name a few years ago, and it was an unbelievable hassle and yes, a bit pricey. Not to mention all the shit I had to do for the name change during the work day, including getting fingerprinted and going to court for the name change, which also cost me money in lost wages.

I mean....ok. Peter Ustinov was a good Poirot, even though he wasn't the physical type. And Branagh is good, no question. Maybe it'll be ok. Maybe. But why are we even having this issue? He's a fine director, and surely he could have found someone more to type to play Poirot.

I'm not sure how I feel about him as Poirot, though.

The elementary school talent show this year had two third graders covering “No.” I have never in my life regretted not packing ear plugs more.

The Republicans haven’t been the party of Lincoln since, what? Right after the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed? Right? Someone with a better grasp of that era can probably help me out here, but I’m under the impression that the shift from progressive to conservative started when Thurmond switched his party…

Truth. I was watching Trevor Noah and thinking, ok, this is fine. Then I watched Sam Bee’s show and was like, oh hell yes. This is what we need.

Holy shitballs, batman!

How can anyone do that to their own child? You spend all those years loving and raising her, and then boom, set her on fire? How?!

Sweet lord almighty. That is the most terrifying thing a pregnant lady could ever see.

....no. (Cannot tell if sarcastic or not.)

I just realized that this is it, this is the story that brings us all together. People on my Facebook that will argue over whether grass is green, people of all political persuasions...everyone hates this kid. And his douchecanoe father. And now this insane woman. So, you know, at least we've got that going for us.

I periodically fantacize about sending mine to an all girls boarding school in the far reaches of Canada. I'd miss them but damn, boys are scary.

I recently started using bare minerals instead of drugstore crap and my doctor said, your labs look worse but you look so much better! *sigh*

My third grader assures me that the common consensus in her school is that Trump is awesome. But she goes to school in the middle of nowhere, in a district that is definitely very right-leaning. It's still quite distressing, obviously.

He and Gabrielle Union go there together. That's my theory.

Yeah, no. I’m sorry, but I don’t and won’t accept that. When my kid slapped another child in school, I could understand that she was provoked, but I still punished her and told her I thought the school’s punishment was too lenient.

Yeah. Fuck that guy. Now we know where the kid gets the entitled, irresponsible attitude.

That would be spectacular if it's true. There would be actual hope for voting him out.

And the constant stream of people insisting that their kids were starving to death under the new cafeteria rules, posting pictures of their kids saddest lunches. 1) pack the kid a lunch if you're sure the kid is starving and 2) these people haven't been in a school cafeteria lately because I assure you, many many…

Remember when she suggested people drink more water and people lost their shit in outrage? As if we don't all know that we should be drinking more water. Literally the most innocuous health recommendation of all time.