A lobster, pasta, and pinata because dinner plans "fell through"? Sure, Jan.

Pho is the correct answer, lots of jalapenos and sriracha if I’m especially congested. A piping hot bowl of pho followed by a couple of popsicles and a nap make sick days much better.

As the only non-parents left in our friend group, I keep telling my girlfriend that we should just send all of our new parent friends a huge gift basket of smoked meats and soft cheeses.

No pop culture reference, just enjoy this picture of my dog. He’s fine with it.

I recently realized I could never be a cougar because one of my genuinely stupid values is that I need to be with someone who gets all of my Simpsons (seasons 1-10) references.

This is like me every time I walk into Trader Joe’s and realize it's not an actual grocery store so much as a giant snack pantry.

She's just... A lot.

IDK, this is the same girl that thought that I was being serious when I asked if her fight with her boyfriend would ruin my birthday dinner, and she got mad at me for a month and blew up at me in public.

It was the latter, and I think she told her sister a couple of times years prior, like when they were kids, and didn’t bring it up the whole pregnancy. So tbh I blame her for planting the seed in her sister’s brain to begin with.

Nah, she was mostly the former, which is why we're no longer friends.

I know this is in just, but also it reminds me of when I had a very dramatic friend call me sobbing because she was pissed that her sister named the new baby using “her” name.

Eh, I’m 4'11 and in high school carried on a courtship with a dude who was 7'2. My partner now is 5'11. I just want someone who can be there for me when I’m too short to reach something, even from a step stool, okay?!

Low self-esteem. The reason she wants him is low self-esteem.

Like everyone else in this area, I think I was more concerned about losing the most efficient and available DMV hub inside the Sears than the actual Sears.

This is the kind of Bachelor news that may actually get me to watch the show.

It was one of many insane wild weekends I had, so I only remember bullet points.

The only interesting story among the men is the illiterate pimp turned pornstar. I'm curious how that'll play out now that he's the talent and not the power. Otherwise, keep the focus on the women.

In that case, donate to women’s causes like NARAL and Planned Parenthood, we will need that as well.

Donate to battleground races, we need the help more than ever. Here’s a list:

Chrissy ASMR whispering how to pit an avocado while suffering through The Last Dab is pretty much my new favorite Hot Ones clip.