Lol what the fuck are you talking about.

I don’t like that he doesn’t have the mustache.

Fixed width font is where it’s at stop plus you always feel like you’re talking in old timey telegram speech stop

Plus, if you’re at a Bills game, the tailgate argument will end with someone getting powerbombed off of their F-150.

Venison is good eating, JD.

Any different than a self-important dingus who spends all day making snarky comments on Deadspin?

I was head first, until my mom showed me the arm first method, when I was about five.

Googles “sit down wipe” and discovers:

Yeah well my bookie is getting my child support check because of that kick, so I know how Wentz feels.

Accidentally shoot a propane tank during an innocent game of backyard gun-shootin’, and half the block goes up. But shoot a Weber grill? NO EXPLOSION.

You get a star simply for not misspelling his name as “Collingsworth.”

Dude, Queens of the Stone Age. OBVIOUSLY their fans are gonna have a leg up on the real Stone Age, right? I mean it’s right there in the title.

I’m single, I cannot make the whole pack for one meal. And they don’t make smaller packs. So, when people like me open a pack up, the clock starts ticking “shit, do i have to make breakfast bacon the next 4 days to finish this pack before it goes bad?” It’s not fun, and bacon will end up in the garbage.

Back when he was still with the Eagles (maybe 08 or 09), I ran into Andy Reid at Home Depot once. He was incredibly nice. It was in early September and the Eagles were getting ready to start the season. There is a Home Depot in South Philly. About 2 miles from the Linc. He is pretty easy to spot. So I went over…

It’s not “pretty irrelevant” to a lapsed Chargers fan.

Did you know Antonio Gates played basketball?

I met the man who would become my stepfather in 1993. He’s okay, really.

He’s a Dolphins fan. He talked up the undefeated teams, and Mercury Morris and the ‘72 Miami team’s popping the champagne when the last unbeaten team loses each year. And Marino... The guy worshipped Dan Marino. And while in the mid-1990s, Marino…

Is it just me or does he have two arrows pointing at one of his nipples?

Cutler is Tannehill! Tannehill is Cutler!

Hopefully he’ll rogain back his confidence.