I’d expect a more impressive venue (and better lighting) for $31 million.

My niece’s fish Diamond died this summer, and I jokingly asked her if she wanted me to sing Rihanna’s “Diamonds” at the funeral, and she said yes. (She’s 5.) It was actually pretty hilarious even though she was crying. Then after I walked away she just crouched down and sobbed. Of course I took a photo.

Wirehaired pointing griffon

Haha, yes. Mine is only four months old so he doesn't quite have the beard yet, but his eyebrows are starting to stick straight up and it is so adorable!

Today at the dog park some old guy said to my puppy, “You’re so ugly you’re almost cute.” Like, I get it that not everyone finds the same breeds to be cute, but come on. My baby is cute.

Where would you pee?

What makes this worse is the number of North Koreans who are starving. Racial stereotypes aside, anyone would eat dog if their family was starving. It’s just so obviously not joke materials.

One time in law school I gave a classmate a ride back from Christmas break (we both lived in a town 6 hours from our school). We were in the middle of nowhere for lunch, in a small mountain town, and when I asked him what he wanted he insisted on Ethiopian food. “Have you ever had Ethiopian food?” I know he was just…

I watched my niece be born and it was pretty great, but my sister didn't look like she was having a very fun time...

Talisker!

Speaking of dogs, I installed a dog door in the wall of my garage today because I’m going to make my dogs a little kennel in there.

Yep, my sister is a dermatologist, and when one of those photos was making the rounds on Facebook she was all, “Nope, I can’t even imagine what could possibly cause that in human skin.”

I fully expect to get diagnosed with a serious skin cancer someday but I guess that's not really the same thing...

I left my law firm for another firm a few months ago, and I still keep in touch with the IT guy at the old firm. One time he emailed me and asked “Do you ever feel like just running away?” and I was all “Only days that end in Y.” And then he told me that once he was driving to work and he just kept going until he was…

If your kid wants to eat it, it’s not healthy. Obviously. Like, I’m sorry you’re a moron who is too stupid to understand some so simple even a toddler could understand, but do you really need to sue over it?

Morons.

What the actual fuck is going on in these comments? Cocaine is awesome and cool now? Jesus Christ. http://www.slate.com/articles/healt…

I live about a quarter mile from a Latin mass Catholic church, and one morning I was walking my dog when I passed three nuns in full habit and wimple. I had no idea nun still dressed like that!

Not everyone wants a pit bull breed and that's okay. Enough with the shaming of people who choose not to adopt a pit.

Uh, I didn’t say all hope is loss or that I don’t get matches at 32. But this article is about men of all age preferring a 20 year-old woman.