/s

You know those people are all just battling for the Gym there.

I saw a tweet that said basically that Nintendo did in 24 hours what Michelle Obama was trying to do for 8 years, get kids to go outside and exercise.

One reason we get so annoyed about this is because we can follow all these dumb rules and still get raped. I’ve got friends who’ve been raped drunk. I’ve got friends who’ve been raped sober. I’ve got friends who’ve been raped by strangers. I’ve got friends who’ve been raped by friends. People want to set up all these…

I like this guy.

i think those are hamsters...

On the one hand, squee! On the other hand (in the wake of Brexit) this is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a hedgehog.

Honestly, Sarah Palin being the one calling for an uprising is a great reason against an uprising if I’ve ever heard one.

“...our favorite fascist wad of upchucked puréed carrots,”

Sooooo, her bio says she’s currently 29, which makes her 12 years of age in 1999, the year she says she lived alone in “the jungle with big spiders and poor little children with AIDS and, and, and . . . insert cliche here.”

Probably because doing an out-patient psych program is less fancy than travelling. Who wants to hear about the glorious architecture of the hospital and the sad windowless office of my therapist? A 1 1/2 year wait list. Honestly, the out-patient thing was wayyyyyy more productive than whatever travelling does.

Have you tried summering on the continent?

A strong case of stockholm syndrome, other than that WHO KNOWS. Snacks? maybe he brings the snacks?

I’m actually surprised that Trump hasn’t hosted a reality show to find his VP.

Imagine the search traffic you could bring in by launching a new line of sex toys named Purity Balls. The SEO opportunities alone give me pleasant chills.

I spent the last few weeks thinking of a tree that we used to have in the backyard of our old house. All those hours I spent under that tree looking up as the sunlight dripped like honey through the leaves. When the thin cold wire of time wasn’t pressing pushing tight against my neck. There was time back then. There’s…

And in case you’re looking for other awesome (women) congressional candidates to support during this super super important election year:

Welcome to Congressional Cacophony, a new feature on The Slot about House and Senate races that really, really matter.

I just have my wife hose me down in the backyard once a week, so this has not been an issue.