may the bridges i burn light the way

i’ve heard the best way to get someone to “rig your pole” is tinder...

I...I...(whispers) i don’t know what a lladros is. feel like you made this up. feel like I felt when i found out they aren’t actually called The Berenstein Bears.

I eat it, if you must know.

Aww. Thank you!

Although no one likes to admit it, lying - including white lies and lies by omission - are a vital survival tool and social lubricant. I’m not saying that lying is right, just that it is sometimes necessary.

I was a bed wetter until I was like 8 or 9. One time at a slumber party I wet the bed in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping. So I took my underwear, rinsed them and stuck them in the freezer and staged the ‘frozen underwear’ prank on myself to cover my pee pee tracks and get some sympathy on side.…

Is anyone else completely incapable of lying? I can’t. I do the Santa thing but if my kids ever directly ask I won’t lie. The truth will just pour out. This is why my kids knew about where babies come from at a reeeeeally young age.

Maybe you’re right. Perhaps I was misled by Patrick’s paraphrasing: “He added that the league never submitted a formal public records request clearly from the NFL,” which is not a distinction the law recognizes.

She fucking killed that debate and I am drunk and a nasty woman and also i love bad hombres and fuck him and i ate a burrito and several cookies and maybe like a whole bottle of whine or wine or shit or omg i need to go to bed even on the west coast i am a mess omg i hate trump o hope he dies ifn a fire

As a person whose father traveled the country setting up franchises (starting families then leaving them) I can attest to the businesslike nature of meeting a person that you are biologically related to but have no further connections. It’s like, yes my father fucked your mother, pleasure to meet you.

This is kinda like that time my ex brought my ex best friend that he fucked while we were married as his date to a wedding where we were both mutual guests. But worse?

This is the worst thing to happen to Atlanta involving a Sherman in a long time.

In the words of Seth Meyers, “Really, Delta. Reeeealy?”

I am a young female physician, and I have had similar experiences with both Southwest and United. A Southwest flight attendant removed ‘Dr.’ on my boarding pass (on a rare occasion where I was checking a bag) after grilling me about where I worked and pretending she knew people there (like I was making it up and she…

I feel this. Fuck this stewardess and fuck Delta. Fuck the assumption that every authority figure has to be a white man.

This is horseshit. Delta saying they let the doctor who produced documentation help is just absolute shit. My dad, a white male doctor, has helped patients on flights and has NEVER been asked to prove he’s a doctor. This flight attendant was racist and delta should not use “documentation” as a fall back story bc they…

It happened again:

Whether this was race, age, [or] gender discrimination, it’s not right.

In all fairness, this was the first black doctor to show up, and everyone decided he was an idiot.