SORRY if you don't get your SLUT PILLS for FREE, this is AMERICA and we have something called the CONSTITUTION that guarantees our FREEDOM from SLUTS.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU THROUGH THE SOUND OF ME GOBBLING DOWN ALL THESE NOTHING BURGERS.

When the easiest option is cereal*, that's why most people are like "screw this". **

I obviously did not think this through.

"And then I shall rip open your femoral artery with my razor sharp talons," says the adorable baby owl.

Hello, little baby owl. I'm going to put you in my pocket.

This is the weirdest Reba McEntire parody ever.

I'm not crying you're crying. get outta here.

My dog died in her sleep at home, I woke up to her dead in bed with me, it was not unexpected she had been ill for a while. But if I had had to put her down I would have preferred to do it at home, mainly because I am a very private person and have no interest in losing it in public. I decided to bury her at my…

As long as the wholesale is actually in the reasonable range, I do love the box and know that you, as I'd have done in my time, will be able to sell the everloving hell out of it.

As a current fancy pants jeweler, I loved your story and am now jealous that I do not have a "the engagement ring I designed was mistaken for an explosive" story. =(

This is something important to know. I hadn't realized that this was a problem for people with peanut allergy. I am an allergist and most people with peanut allergy are fine with other legumes.. but not all people... I would tell them to steer clear of this. Also, desensitization for peanut allergy probably works but…

That dude who mentioned Charles County... you know what's cool about Charles County? Nothing. Southern Maryland is a fucking weird place... and that's saying a lot considering it's Maryland.

Plato's is pretty solid. Worst fucking place I've ever worked for, though.

The food/drink is literally the only reason to go to Frederick. Ever. But it's a pretty damn good reason.