Jesus, just admit you're avoiding gluten as a diet regime. If Emmy Rossum had a real problem with gluten, she wouldn't smash her face into a bagel, I promise.

I fucking love Larry.

Larry has MI6 connections, ya know.

Is he talking about having them as pets, though? He just had a sloth visit and hang out for Kristen's birthday, I think.

Related: among my biggest pet peeves are the women who have really long hair, then get a haircut of a few inches and cry "Oh my god, it's SO SHORT! I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE IT! WHY DID YOU CUT SO MUCH OFF!?!?!?!"

That's not at all what I'm suggesting. I'm saying that it's better to say no than say yes and be resentful about having said yes. And I do think that brides should recognize that it's expensive and a big time commitment, and not everyone is at the point in their lives where it's possible, and if a bridesmaid says no…

OMG BURT YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE!!!!!!!

Yes! For me, it's the itchy palate paired with the inner ear itches. I look ridiculous trying to satisfy those itches, I know it. The pills and sinus rinse address it, but not all the way.

Today broke me. Grey skies, pulling on my boots and puffy coat for yet another blustery trek to the subway. I just can't anymore. I might not make it.

I am right there with you. It snowed last night and that was enough to ruin my day. If spring doesn't get itself to Michigan by April, I am genuinely concerned about what people will do. What I will do. Snotty and WARM sounds heavenly right now.

It's unhealthy how much I adore the man. Unhealthy, SICK is what it is. I love you Louie.

I tried to be all weather defiant this morning - made it to my car in the driveway before I went back in the house for a real jacket. My kids laughed at me.

I actually cried when I woke up and saw it was -2 with 30 mph wind. I just want to fucking go outside!

I am allergic! I'm just saying that between freezing my ass off day in and day out and having severe allergies, at this point severe allergies look like a real big winner.

If someone could invent a miracle drug that actually deals with the hella itchy palate, that would be a delight. Until then, I'll be wearing some kind of sad face mask, and scratching my mouth with a toothbrush in shame.

I'm so sick of winter right now that I could have the respiratory flu in 70 degree weather, and I would still be super, super happy. Seriously. I just wake up angry every single day at this point.

You don't have to shovel warm.

I DON'T EVEN CARE. As long as it's warm, you can literally dump pollen over my head by the bucketful. I will sneeze and be stuffy while BEING WARM and it will be glorious.

I'm just here to say, apropos of nothing, that this is the set list from the MTV Unplugged that Nirvana did, given by Cobain to my friend who was on the crew and who asked for an autograph for me. Yeah, I know the name is spelled Kurdt, but I trust my old buddy, and also, apparently he was pretty stoned at the time…