You forgot to add this part re: Kansas and gay marriage, which is extra hilarious:

That’s about 275 years of my current pay. LET’S EAT HIM. 

I’m still not 100% sure this isn’t because terminally disabled newborns generate revenue in the NICU. 

Props to the grandmother for not stewing around in denial and going “HEY, COPS, HERE MAYBE??”

These are the people who, after watching their child suffocate due to diphtheria, will either go “at least they weren’t autisic!” or “why didn’t anyone tell me vaccines were so important? It’s their fault!”

I seem to recall the Parkland kids getting raked over the coals by RWM. 

It’s true.  We’re the worst.

Huh.  I’m seeing that’s a mis-identification.

That’s it. I’m done with sober for today. Gin and toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiic!!!

I’ve never been so torn between laughter and vomiting. 

I love mantises! I was thrilled when my little backyard garden’s ecosystem became robust enough to attract them. Even if they occasionally make me scream like a ninny when I find one’s decided to go for a ride on my arm and then poke me in the face.

Sometimes that happens and it’s not your fault. 

Okay, but this is the rare situation where the CEO isn’t really at fault? They’re big picture. Talk to me about this patient’s floor manager, or the head nurse, or HR because there’s no way someone who fucks patients doesn’t have any other complaints against them.

So on his own he was fine with Kelly, but thanks to his THREE daughters...  Why is it some people can’t see crimes against women as crimes against people unless they’ve sired daughters?  I know this is a recurring thing and it never fails to floor me that these guys are totally okay with men assaulting their mothers,…

I read that as “Great Gatsby Science Fiction”, thought of that surreal Count of Monte Cristo anime a while back, and went YES PLEASE.

I think the only thing Duterte could admit to that would shock me is regularly volunteering at a soup kitchen and NOT be using it as an in to poison the pot. 

She worked as a mechanic in WWII. I’m reasonably sure normal rich people don’t do that. Count yourself lucky you have a Queen, figurehead though she may be, who’s had a strong sense of duty from the get go. 

My Dad’s side of the family does a seven fishes thing, but they do it turducken style. It’s one of those things Man Was Not Meant To See, and maybe also a bit ridiculous, but somehow my uncle makes it delicious.