Gosh, just look at all the people Ted Bundy didn’t kill! Those women were playing dead. I don’t know how anyone bought that sad excuse of a performance.

Have Jehovah’s Witnesses ever made any beef about their tax dollars being used for blood transfusions?

Your gonna need something to cut the grease. Mint sauce?

Sure would be nice to be able to accrue 5.5 million in investments by not going to a couple movies a year and eschewing hard cider.

Why can’t I stop laughing at this

Darkest timeline.

Is that a Boykin? Because aside from the eyes not being yellow, that puppy looks just like my Boykin.

Up yours open concept! It’s a fucking nightmare keeping the kitchen clean when making a big dinner for guests. Who wants to see the sad, butchered remains of vegetables? Why should I have to put away ingredients as I go? Scrub the fucking roasting pan between plating the food and eating it instead of letting it sit…

I only feel bad about this because broken ribs just suck. I only had a couple and it made every waking moment a world of pain.

The world population in 1957 was ~2.9 billion. It’s now ~7.5 billion. I don’t think lack of people or population decline is an issue.

Cheers to my fellow future drain on society!

Overstates the risks of mercury? MOTHERFUCKING OVERSTATES THE MOTHERFUCKING RISKS OF MOTHERFUCKING MERCURY?!!!

According to Ireland, you just die. Godspeed!

Because a man put that fetus there, and we mustn’t get in the way of a man’s choice.

When I go in for my physical tomorrow, and my doctor mentions how my blood pressure is unusually high compared to the last fifteen years, I’ll have this bullshit to point to.

I didn’t do anything particularly creative, but I love my mask.

“But if you don’t get married and have a baby who’s going to take care of you when you’re older?”