I read that as “my Genitals”, which seems way more likely to be accurate.

Let’s be fair. It was ALWAYS going to end with a dismembered corpse bobbing around in the ocean. It’s just that kind of story.

Pepperidge Farm remembers.

It happens! My mom’s constantly looking at my sister wondering where the heck she got some of her awful ideas. Lord she didn’t get them from our parents. Unfortunately, she’s done a good job passing those ideas on to her kids, and ain’t a damn thing we can do about it. Lord knows we’ve tried.

That was a fantastic exercise in “huh? What’s the big dea— ohthereitis.”

I miss 2016.

Just for you, Jeanne.

All I can think of is my English teacher who was in full denial that A Seperate Peace is perhaps the most homoerotic thing ever.

I choose to believe it’s a wayward Tardis.

A lot of parents will do anything to justify their kids’ behavior. My nephew’s committed some class B felony shit, but my sister’s just like, “oh, he’s really very kind and caring, it’s so sad you think what he’s done is wrong. He’s just troubled.”

At first I was insulted about the travel advisory, because there HAVE to be worse places than Missouri. There just HAVE to be.

I’d just like to point people towards my chubby, triathalonaholic sister who can break the bundle of sticks that is my body over her well-insulated, muscular thigh.

Poor kid. Doesn’t stand a chance.

Thanks, Obama.

I’d like to think my father would cover for me helping to conspire with Russians to take over a country, but I’d also like to think he’d have been a lot classier about it.

Of course not. That’d be gay.

Their spawn will get us when we’re too old and crippled with arthritis to run away from all the unhealthily oozing genitals.

I only got an ADHD diagnosis because I literally kept trying to climb up the classroom walls. Granted, it took until I was eleven, which I guess is when I finally got a teacher who went, “fuck this wall climbing girl power bullshit, I’m calling the parents.”

I only work in Kansas and I’m going, “OH THANK FUCKING HELL.” And then “OH FUCKING HELL” at the dawning horror that he’ll have a bigger stage.

It pisses me off to see uninked areas near the spawn halfway through the match. FINE, YOU ASSHOLES. I guess I’ll just be over here flailing my brush around and covering 5% of the map you ignored!