Also, criticizing her musical performance makes God mad, so she's taking the high road and smoothing things out between you two through the power of prayer.

I'll pray to Thor that Carrie underwood learns the difference between criticism and people 'being mean.'

Well I am deeply hurt that you would reject me in such a public, humiliating way.

You guys, Stephen MOYER was in this. Not Stephen MERCHANT. They are, in fact, different people. Although it would have been delightful to watch Stephen Merchant as Captain Von Trapp...

Halfway through the show I remembered that during the last Broadway revival, Arnold Schwarzenegger expressed an interest in playing Captain Von Trapp, citing his Austrian heritage. ...Now I realize he's also a guy who's interested in banging The Help.

My sister told me it was the worst True Blood episode ever

I think the problem is that over-acting is less noticeable on stage, because the audience is far away. Overdoing it makes sure the message gets across. You're supposed to make your movements larger and more physical, because the audience can't see that your eyes are subtly sad from 100 feet away.

Stage acting and screen acting are different, by necessity. In a theatre, the audience is far away and everything has to be huge to compensate. A camera, however, gets right up in an actor's face and makes effective stage acting look super hammy.

I'm going to fucking kill my agent.

THE COSTUMES WERE PAINFULLY TERRIBLE. All caps. Not even sorry. It wasn't 1839, it was 1949, Austrians still wear traditional clothes but not ALL THE TIME. Also, The glitzy milkmaid outfits on Maria made me barf.

Well, Maria is a nun-school dropout who married her boss. I wouldn't take my relationship advice from her, either.

From a production values standpoint, the whole thing reminded me of an extended episode of Days Of Our Lives.

The worst part for me was when I ran out of wine.

To be fair, "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" is supposed to show how naïve Lisl is, because she's falling for a Nazi sympathizer who wants to control her.

I don't think a lot of guys understand that the function of the penis is attractive to women. But not the actual penis itself. Let's be honest here... its not the prettiest organ on the male body.

I know we're meant to be talking about race and stuff, but DAMN that eyeliner is perf.

oh come on now