the best part is that the bear is named “Hamburger”

I feel like that scene deserves an Emmy every year....just so nobody forgets...

Everyone at their table:

Yeah, okay. You guys don’t have a sense of humor. Duly noted.

Now I’m going to start saying, “What the fuck, Hamburger” when I trip over my daughter’s stuffed animals.

Thanks! It was really hard to tell if I was able to capture how horrifying those months were. I also realized I forgot one of the scariest details (and I can’t edit now, boo), but after I got the last call, I swear I heard footsteps running to the bathroom before the door slammed closed.

ETA that’s what I call a big, beautiful wall.

I mean it as in every group that Drumpf has vilified

That is not Toby Maguire dancing. That’s a character! If we don’t respect the difference, someone dies!!

When I was about 22 ish (back when the Loch Ness monster was just a tadpole) a 60ish man put his hand down my skirt and squeezed my ass at a charity function. My then boyfriend tried to make me tell someone, but all I wanted to do was leave.

I want to get married in that dress. Then I want to wear that dress every day for the rest of my life. When my death comes, I wish to be buried in that dress.

Alright, I don’t love monarchies, but I say we turn the First Lady position into one and let Michelle have it until she wants to hand it over to Sasha or Malia.

Person on top needs seems to have trouble Nazi-ing correctly. 3/10 do not Nazi again.

Can I be next? Full disclosure: I know nothing about music, either.

Strange, this has been my standard response to Wikileaks’ Podesta emails.

So it’s not his face?

2016 is the year I found out that Bob Ross’s hair was a perm and he grew to hate it but couldn’t cut it because it was his logo.

Obligatory:

Oh, 2016. You can do better than this amateur-hour shit. I mean, you’ve taken rock legends and given us Cheeto Jesus, for chrissakes.

I didn’t see this right away and I called Dr. Hern’s office to ask how I could donate money directly to the practice. I had a fifteen-minute conversation with Dr. Hern himself. In addition to being a hero, he is a very humble and cool guy.