Once upon a time, I was lucky enough to judge a beard contest at a local bar, and one of the categories required that I and my fellow lady judges sniff each participant's beard. One man's beard not only smelled so delicious that I wanted to nestle in it for the rest of winter, but it was surprisingly soft and…

Yes. Beard conditioner is a bearded man's best friend.

my first thought when I saw that was, "oh, he's totally taking a shit right now."

*sploosh*

"People who are transgender are not dangerous, and people who are transgender need to go to the bathroom."

Whenever I'm driving a car in my dream, it's always a stick-shift (which I know how to drive), but yet in my dream the gears are super complicated/hard to maneuver, and I feel like I'm driving super slow compared to everyone else on the road. And for some reason, my foot can barely reach the clutch.

Man, mine are pretty much all over the place. I've been keeping a dream journal for the past few months (as soon as I wake up, I write down any details I can remember), so here a few recent gems:

I came here just to make sure someone posted this clip :)

It's totally that double-penis guy. Has to be.

or this one?

I retract my earlier statement :)

Jesus, now I have to buy "gifts" for my vagina too?

just thought of another idea....a girls' weekend in Palm Springs? lots of cool hotels there with spas (I'm gonna be at the Ace Hotel in a few months). Also worthy of note, if you're into quirky places: Hicksville Trailer Palace near Joshua Tree. This place is amazeballs, and such a good place to go to with a bunch of…

Well hopefully he gets the message from your very-clear email.

You're not weird.

Oh man. I'm sorry this happened to you. How did he know where you lived?

Happy early birthday! I've only lived in SD a few years, so I didn't live here when I turned 30, but I find that now, compared to my 20's, I don't need a big bar crawl/party-all-night celebration to have a good birthday. Last year when I turned 33, I simply told my good friends that I wanted to treat myself to dinner…

Jameson and coke, although I'm trying to wean myself off the coke and just do Jameson on the rocks. we shall see.

Also, in the opening credits of each episode, I'm always looking out for the name of the new store/business next door to them. It's the little things.

Not gonna lie, all these beards and glorious 'staches are making me feel tingly. Why are other countries' military standards so much cooler than ours?