Nobody gives a fuck about your stupid wide feet.

NO, that tattoo is German for “The Bart, The.”

Unbelievable. That guy must absolutely hate Russell Wilson.

Probably not as drunk as I was during the fantasy auction where I spent $49 on him.

She was robbed. Everyone knows the Earth was created in 6 days about 6,000 years ago. So 75 million years ago there was nothing. And the closest thing to nothing is....the Timberwolves.

You’re not going to like our NYPD Shoe sketch... it’s pretty much the same thing.

Wife: “How was your day, Joey?”

When I was in middle school and got the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue my parents thought I was the reincarnation of Fred Merkle.

Why do you keep writing about the White Sox? They haven’t won a World Series since 1917...

“I hope kids watching the WBC...”

I heard Mike Zimmer wanted to convert him to fullback, but he was completely against the switch.

Indeed. Somehow I ended up copying the wrong link.

so you’re saying he’s leaving the Mets organization?

This guy definitely walks away from explosions without looking back.

Guillorme snagged the bat with one hand and calmly returned it to the field, all without moving. He belongs in the Hall of Fame.

Oh, no. Now the Padres won’t be very good.

Whose Disgusting Baseball Delivery is This?

And with this new rule, his career will be taking a step back.

The 14 stunned birds were later quoted as saying “They were so good at the beginning of the season, what the fuck happened?!”