Coogans in 30? $2 beers tonight...

I would love nothing more than for every Deadspin writer to spend 24 hours in the middle of Tampa Bay. Even six minutes would do the trick.

Deadspin slack is furious about this ranking, in a way it hasn’t been since the cereal debacle.

I’m sarcastically shocked that New York is far and away #1 and Boston is basically tied with Detroit.

I eagerly await pissed off Bostonians.

“To get this far and kind of just tank it and say, ‘Aw, never mind.’”

This is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Fuck street runners. “Oh the road is softer on my feet!” No, I hate you.

Whatever you guys are paying Diana, it's not enough.

Call him a “kid” all you want, but the young man has learned the game thanks to a parent who surrounded him with some of the best players in the country. That’s why I’m so excited about Louisiana Tech’s new baseball manager, Drake LaRoche.

He never reached the Summitt of Women's college basketball but he did climax.

What did they expect when they hired a kid named McLovin

At least his mom isn’t around to remember this.

I didn’t before, but I now dislike the Pirates.

The 0-3 Cardinals have struck out a combined 37 times in their three losses.

Twice a week I pay a stylist to flip a coin to determine whether to cut my hair or to run their hands through it whilst making indiscriminate snipping noises with scissors.

cool

The Russian surprise is understandable. Meldonium was a classic element of Soviet sports science.

I’m a Pats fan and this just embarasses me. We need to get back to what real football should be about: pelting Goodell’s Maine home with poop-filled paper bags, not filing frivilous lawsuits.

I can’t wait to watch shitty Thursday night games while reading shitty racist tweets.

Never like to hear a managerial press conference end with “To sum up, we’re all shorter of breath and one day closer to death”