I also injected a lot of sodium amytal this weekend.

I’m sorry, but it doesn’t count as a CBS This Morning interview without Charlie Rose looking like he hasn’t slept in eight days and constantly interrupting the guest.

To me, nude dining means sticking my dick in a Hot Pocket, so this is definitely a step up.

My favorite part of the film was when Tom Cruise said to Don Cheadle’s character, “You can’t handle the money!”

Also, the man loves yogurt so much that he wears a life vest to prevent himself from drowning in yogurt.

Steve Carlton told me that there are a lot of “snakes” on JDate.

First my mother is brutally murdered and now THIS?

I need to know: does LeBron’s Stanley also tell him to kill George Lazenby?

Jeff Fisher is on the Vince Vaughn skin-care regimen.

Fun fact: JJ Watt is actually just three Rudy Ruettiger clones standing on each other’s shoulders.

(John Wayne Gacy was a famous clown who got in trouble for being too awesome at birthday parties.)

Damn all them clowns hugging the greatest

The guy about to commit suicide in the background really adds to the mise-en-scène.

Sorry, I only give my money to IRAs that bomb British Army barracks.

A buddy of mine once threw up on a cop’s boots right in front of Coogan’s.

I’m not pissed off. I’m just drunk.

sup girl

Yes, yes, but what do white dorks who find Serena unattractive think?

This looks like a hipster-douche version of Frank Langella.

Why didn’t they show Captain Kirk in this trailer?