“I made a film in Ibiza. To show Kim Kardashian I was cool. When I finally got sober I felt 10 years older but fuck it, it was something to do”

I KNEW A GIRL LIKE THIS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I had a co-worker who was a pathological liar (symptom of MUCH larger psychosis) and she would tell stories like that. It was fascinating that she actually thought any of the rest of us believed her. Among other things, she tried to convince us that when she was in middle school, she rigged a hidden camera on the…

ugh. tumblr. almost every story is like that. #thingsthatneverhappened

None. This is another “good” one.

I love when the obvious ones get called out.

approached with a $5 bill raised the first flag.

She also wasn’t drinking! And folks, that’s how you’d know if I was pregnant because there’s no other way I’m giving up alcohol or cigarettes. And I never plan on being pregnant.

As opposed to the rest of the Kardashian-Jenners, who only do things for the scientific and social advancement of mankind, the arts and the environment

She went on to say, “Oh yes, I am most certainly a real person tra la la! All humans speak in this manner, do they not?”

Nope, because there is a current Janet Jackson “Pregnant at 50!” making the rounds.

• Khloe Kardashian thinks “everything” Caitlyn Jenner does “is just for TV and ratings.”

I have never been more sure of anything in my life than that whoever mistook Nicole Richie for a homeless person did not respond the way the magazine says she did.

If Gwen’s pregnant based on this pic of a “baby bump” on OK, then I must be pregnant too because I just ate 2/3rds of a huge burrito and my belly looks like this too. Should I get checked out?

Um... Sounds like Drew should wash her kid’s hair.

DOUBLE CREATURE: They both have eyes and breathe oxygen.

That cat looks exactly like Nicole Richie, not Clare Danes. I can’t believe how the tabloids can get their stories so twisted.

Nicole Kidman is 48 and had her youngest child by using a surrogate. You’d think the tabloids could invent something a little more believable. Do women get to escape pregnancy rumors when they turn 50? When they publicly have hysterectomies? Ever?

Tangentially related. Apparently Azelia Banks’s Twitter tantrum from yesterday got her kicked off some UK music festival she was (inexplicably) headlining.

I LOVE Nicki Minaj more and more every day. I don’t always agree with her, but I love how she is so unapolegetic. And I agree with her on this one, she is successful and he needs to let go of her coattails.